tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post539778897508888958..comments2024-01-02T13:03:28.273-07:00Comments on Cookie's Chronicles: Getting Toddlers to do What We WantCookie’s Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10539520794775363132noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post-63695283967454230702011-10-30T10:42:52.410-06:002011-10-30T10:42:52.410-06:00Totally, I agree. I knew you weren't suggestin...Totally, I agree. I knew you weren't suggesting otherwise. No one is a perfect parent. But being aware of our faults or weak points and trying to do the best we can is key. As is accepting we aren't perfect and not getting hung up on that!!Kathleen amoment2thinkhttp://www.amoment2think.canoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post-24891360552149638102011-10-30T08:40:48.793-06:002011-10-30T08:40:48.793-06:00We're only just starting to come into troubles...We're only just starting to come into troubles with Li'l D really intended to do his own thing, so I don't have any of my own anecdotes to offer. It is helpful reading things like this as part of our contemplating an approach! (Of course, what's contemplated and what's done won't always be in sync. Ahem.)Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06036505968642985025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post-37150344374257910292011-10-28T18:41:00.966-06:002011-10-28T18:41:00.966-06:00Hi Kathleen. Oh, absolutely we do them anyway, eve...Hi Kathleen. Oh, absolutely we do them anyway, even though we know they'll have adverse effects. No one is 100% on their game every day all day. I hope I didn't suggest otherwise. I could really relate to your post, and as I commented there, I have definitely been there. Still, I do think we can strive to meet an ideal, and I do think it's important to at least be aware of potential long term effects. It helps me to be less lazy when I think of how much more work I will create for myself by doing so. Thanks again for writing such a thought-provoking article!Cookie’s Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10539520794775363132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post-52586470997479393282011-10-28T17:23:57.225-06:002011-10-28T17:23:57.225-06:00I've been meaning to come over here and commen...I've been meaning to come over here and comment for the last couple of days. <br /><br />I totally agree- our reverse psychology tactic can potentially backfire. I know this. And I also agree that it is a bit 'lazy'. And yet we still do it. Now, truth be told, we use this method sparingly. Like maybe once a week. <br /><br />Part of my point with the original post is that sometimes, even though we recognize our methods to not be ideal, we sometimes do them anyway. Because in the short term they do work. (At least this particular method seems to work for my particular kid). I guess that part of the reason is doesn't bother me a ton, is because a) again, it is used sparingly and b) I generally don't prescribe to the 'if you do this it might have a dramatic ever changing impact on your child and make them difficult to deal with later.' Parenting and children are more complicated then that and it is our parenting writ large, not each individual choice, that has the largest impact. <br /><br />Anyway, thanks for your thoughts on my post! <br /><br />Cheers!<br />amoment2think aka Kathleenamoment2thinkhttp://www.amoment2think.canoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post-2483208210519657892011-10-26T19:05:45.212-06:002011-10-26T19:05:45.212-06:00Oh, man, do I know what you are going through. We ...Oh, man, do I know what you are going through. We are having some cooperation issues here too. I keep having to up the consequences!Cookie’s Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10539520794775363132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post-86864702743198103322011-10-26T16:11:14.402-06:002011-10-26T16:11:14.402-06:00I agree that it's not really the best tactic, ...I agree that it's not really the best tactic, especially when it comes to food.<br /><br />There's something I do that I feel really guilty about, and that is pretending to leave without Lilah when she is taking too long or refusing to come. I think it just makes her really insecure and think I'm going to leave her, and it's the opposite message from what I'm always telling her, that Mommy will always be there for her. I know I need to stop, but for some reason it's what pops into my head when I'm at my wits' end and I just need her to cooperate.Amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11901921122145191694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post-55113037013496806762011-10-26T09:38:42.852-06:002011-10-26T09:38:42.852-06:00Jamie, we talk a lot about choices here too. Takes...Jamie, we talk a lot about choices here too. Takes the 'bad guy' onus off of us and puts the responsibility where it belongs.<br /><br />Sadie, I totally agree. We've been there too. Now we say "There is dessert for anyone who is still hungry after finishing what dinner." Most of the time we just don't have dessert (and then mom and dad eat it after the kids go to bed). :)<br /><br />Lisa, these kids sure know how to push our buttons, don't they?<br /><br />Bruna, that idea about tastes changing came from an aunt - it has really worked!Cookie’s Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10539520794775363132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post-52053798490635040982011-10-25T22:06:34.397-06:002011-10-25T22:06:34.397-06:00We struggle with eating and meal times. Our 5 yr o...We struggle with eating and meal times. Our 5 yr old only eats a small menu of things. Reverse psychology doesn't even work. She's too smart for it. I can see the long term effects being negative though. You're right. Setting a good example and asking them to at least try something before deciding not to eat it is better. I like how you remind your son that tastes change from week to week, month to month. I must try that one next time:)Bees With Honeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17582469374291294113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post-1640301943484861592011-10-25T21:50:38.471-06:002011-10-25T21:50:38.471-06:00One thing that has happened on more than one occas...One thing that has happened on more than one occasion at our house is I will say to my 4 year old, "Time to brush your teeth." She will say, "I don't want to brush my teeth."<br />I reply, "Then don't brush your teeth." and I walk away. Then she immediately wants to brush her teeth.<br />Now this is my daughter and when she says something like that, she is mostly looking for a fight and because I know that about her, I don't engage.<br />So yes reverse psychology is used a little bit..Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15479218145921512834noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post-350897792136261972011-10-25T18:43:23.343-06:002011-10-25T18:43:23.343-06:00Great post! We don't use reverse psych around...Great post! We don't use reverse psych around here, but I must admit that a little negotiation (aka bribery) does sometimes occur. Eat your carrots/peas/etc get a cookie for dessert....its been said many a time at our house. This is now coming back to haunt us b/c we have trained our girls to believe that doing something good deserves reward when we really just expecting them to 'be good' all the time. So many parenting 'short-cuts' become a slippery slope....Sadiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09390185941796833573noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post-65744556666986998662011-10-25T18:03:50.113-06:002011-10-25T18:03:50.113-06:00Talking about feeding my kids makes me grimace and...Talking about feeding my kids makes me grimace and want to run and hide. BUT in a more general sense we are all about good v bad choices. Was that a good choice, is that a bad choice, etc. I agree it's a short-term fix though.Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08938378044931508438noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post-72082516668002976932011-10-25T12:24:48.443-06:002011-10-25T12:24:48.443-06:00Best of luck, Natalie. As long as we stay relaxed ...Best of luck, Natalie. As long as we stay relaxed about it, I think that's half the battle won.Cookie’s Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10539520794775363132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post-76919895125875637162011-10-25T11:43:24.286-06:002011-10-25T11:43:24.286-06:00This is a great post...I can already see my little...This is a great post...I can already see my little one not wanting to eat his carrots...but I just keep offering and eat them as well to show them it is good. I think you are right and that tricking them is not the right way!Nataliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09376889141903161184noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post-66744547425798181402011-10-25T09:38:34.212-06:002011-10-25T09:38:34.212-06:00Kristen, I love your K.I.S.S. method! lol Wish tha...Kristen, I love your K.I.S.S. method! lol Wish that worked around here.<br /><br />Barbara, we've used it, sort of as a joke, just to see what would happen. It had the desired immediate effect because our son's 'other name' is Opposite Boy (he likes to do the opposite of what people tell him to do), but since it reinforces that behaviour, I can't imagine that's a good thing.<br /><br />G, I'm with you there. It's probably a situational thing, and maybe it depends on the kid. It seems a dangerous with my guy, but might work well with other kids.<br /><br />Christine, you hit on something that is a real adjustment for us parents - letting go. This year, I don't send snacks to school with my son every day (just once every two months), so I have had to let go control over what he would eat those other days. Tough, but not the end of the world.Cookie’s Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10539520794775363132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post-27496012693887891022011-10-25T07:22:43.437-06:002011-10-25T07:22:43.437-06:00Oh man, eating is a major issue in our house. I th...Oh man, eating is a major issue in our house. I think we've tried everything. We seem to have landed on the 'you must at least try it' thing. Sounds a lot like what you do. And I agree that sometimes modeling best practices is the best we can do. It can be hard to let it go at that. I'm not always successful in that regard. But I try.Christine Siracusahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09454182371195180210noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post-31476341656548871262011-10-25T07:18:42.377-06:002011-10-25T07:18:42.377-06:00That's interesting. I always use reverse psych...That's interesting. I always use reverse psychology with caution. And I believe if used correctly, it can make life easier for us as parents. I think it's okay if used to get them to eat veggies but not quite when you're spent for the day and just need them to listen to you. Ok, I might not be making any sense anymore. I use that method you use on Jack to get him to try new foods too. I tell my son if he doesn't give it a try, he might just miss out on something too yummy for words!Kiddothingshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12360699806453095637noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post-83358952807779414262011-10-25T07:08:36.195-06:002011-10-25T07:08:36.195-06:00I haven't tried reverse psychology on my son. ...I haven't tried reverse psychology on my son. Maybe because I just don't think he'll understand at his age and it will blow up in my face. I'm curious to see what others respond though.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13311088408907148236noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3670299088597355474.post-48820264338208299802011-10-25T04:48:24.988-06:002011-10-25T04:48:24.988-06:00I can see where that reverse psych could really ba...I can see where that reverse psych could really backfire. I am more of the "here, eat this" kind of parent. It doesn't always work, but most of my kids like most kinds of foods.Kristenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14679600158510598106noreply@blogger.com