Acceptance for Positive Change - or - Stop Nagging Already!

Today, I accepted the fact that I am a nag. I nag my son all morning long, beginning with light nags like "It's time to get dressed now" and "Don't forget to turn off the light in your bedroom." Eventually, no matter how many nags I issue, we are behind schedule and in our last five minutes the nags are coming fast and furious. "You've got x, y, and z still to do and you've got two minutes to do them in." "We need to be out the door in one minute." "We're late!" "RUN!!!"

Not only does this stress mama out, it creates a tension between junior and I that I don't like. After all, we only have this short hour of togetherness before he's gone to school all day. I also don't want the start to his day to be stressful. My constant reminders about what he has to do and when he has to do it also relieve him of any responsibility for anything. He knows I am watching the clock, so why should he? He knows I'll remind him if he forgets something, so why listen the first time?

Today, I decided to take responsibility for what I was doing, instead of blaming him for what he was not doing. Today was day one of my son's new life as a responsible six-and-a-half-year-old. This morning, he was responsible for everything, including keeping track of the time and what he had to get done. He has a watch and he can read it. He knows the morning routine. Guess what? We made it to the bus on time. Yes, we had to sprint, but we made it. No stress and a light workout. Awesome.

Have a responsible day! :)

Sue

Help for Sick Days

It occurs to me as I sit here with a slightly scratchy throat (which BETTER not be another cold), and reflect on my failed attempts to teach my distracted child how to be a good active listener, that I need help.

I'm thinking of pre-recording statements that I can deliver as necessary to respond to my child without actually speaking and hurting my aching throat any more. I figure if I cover my mouth when I talk, he'll never know the difference.

Phrases to record for next cold:
Good morning, Jack!
How did you sleep?
You did? What was it about?
Were you scared?
That's a brave boy!
Yes, you can, just as soon as you get dressed.
No.... No.... Because cats don't need clothes.
Because they have fur.
Because most cats live in the wild and they don't have clothes in the wild and... hey, did you hear that bird chirping outside?
Mommy's going to get dressed.
You can dress in your own room, Jack.
No... No... Because mommy needs privacy.
Let's see who can get dressed first!
Yes, you won! 
Okay we tied.
Okay you won, Jack.
Not today......... Not today......... Not today.
I've already answered that question.
Mmm hmm. Mmm hmm.
Is that right?
Okay!
Interesting.
Breakfast!
Pardon me?
Absolutely. Good manners Jack.
You're welcome.
Yes, you can have more of whatever you want just as soon as you eat what's in front of you.
Okay, go go go!
Good job!
Did you flush the toilet?
Did you wash your hands?
Did you turn off the light?
We're leaving in five minutes!
Two minutes Jack.
Time to go Jack!
Hmm, it looks like you'd rather run errands with mommy than go to Sport Ball/Music Class/Billy's house.
Walking feet please!
In you get.
Sit still please.
Here we go!
If you're happy and you know it clap your hands! <clap><clap> If you're happy and you know it clap your hands! <clap><clap>...
Okay have fun!
I love you!
Hi Jack!
Did you have fun?
Did you say thank-you?
In you get.
Jack... Jack... Jack!!!
Listening please.
I hear you, but you need to put your seatbelt on.
Because if a policeman pulls mommy over and you don't have your seatbelt we'll both be in big trouble.
It means that the policeman will give mommy a ticket.
A ticket is something that costs a lot of money and can affect my driving record.
Well that's when... ah... hey, check out that helicopter up there?
Down by the bay... where the watermelons grow... back to my home... I dare not go. For if I do... my mother will say... "Did you ever see a bear combing his hair, down by the bay?"
Okay, we're home Jack.
Where do your shoes and coat go?
Good job.
Let's have lunch.
We had mac 'n cheese yesterday.
Sure. That sounds yummy!
Mmmm. Good choice, Jack.
Let's clean up.
Why are you crying?
Are you tired?
Well, you're acting like a boy who needs a nap.
Well, maybe a short timeout then.
I can't hear you when you scream like that.
Okay. Mommy needs a timeout.
I'll be back in three minutes.
Yes, I'm all better. Thanks Jack.
Okay, let's play.
It's my turn Jack.
I can't play with you if you won't share your toys.
Oh, good sharing Jack!
Alright Jack. Why don't you find something to play with on your own while I make dinner?
I would love to, but my hands are busy right now, Jack.
Wow!
Look at that!
Good for you!
You did that all by yourself?
What a great idea!
You are so creative.
Yes.
Seven.
Purple.
No, I don't think cats like to eat paper.
No, I'm sure cats don't like to be chased by sharks.
Dinner!
Yes, we have dessert.
Yes, you may have dessert if you're still hungry after you eat what's in front of you.
Full?
Okay, you can get down now, Jack,
Yes, you can play for a few minutes before bedtime.
Okay.... bedtime routine!
<This is where daddy takes over. Ahh, entire minutes of peace and solitude. Space in my head to think my own thoughts. "Mommy!" "Song time!">
What songs would you like to sing tonight, Jack?
Okay, how about one made up silly song and one that we all know?
Very nice.
Hugs and kisses?
Goodnight sweetheart.
No you can't sleep with me.
Oh, sweety. It's okay.
If you dream of bears again, just yell 'Boo!' and they'll run away.
Besides you have George and Teddy to protect you.
And mom and dad are just next door.
Yes, all of the doors are locked.
Yes, the windows too.
Okay, I'm blowing you a kiss.
Got it!
See you in the morning!  
I love you too.
To the moon and back!

Phew! So, how did I do? Think I can survive an entire day without my voice?

How to Achieve a State of Deep Relaxation... in 2.5 Minutes or Less

For the last few nights, Jack has been leading the family through a wind-down yoga session as part of his bedtime routine. It's marginally relaxing. We usually do about seven or eight poses in approximately 2.5 minutes.

Let me tell you, this is one of the most adorable (and hysterical) things I think I have witnessed, and I'm not just saying that because I am heavily biased toward finding everything my son does to be super cute.

Meditating Mama: I took the first step!

Being a mom is very rewarding, but also very challenging. It's Mom-I'm-hungry-Why-is-the-sky-blue-Why-are-you-rubbing-your-forehead-like-that challenging! It's difficult to find time to breathe.

So this morning, I decided to give meditation a try. I've done a little meditating in the past - not much - just enough to know that it can be helpful and bring a sense of calm to an otherwise anxiety-provoked existence.

The boys have been away for a few days. I spent the first days getting things done and sleeping. Ah, sleep, how I have missed you! Today, was meditation day. I decided to start slow - just five minutes today to get the feel of it. No pressure! I woke up too early but ready to begin. I sat on the floor and closed my eyes.

Something was missing. A candle. I needed a candle. I had just the one - a soothingly scented purple candle to inspire deep thoughts. Perfect! ... but... I needed something to light it with... so I went looking for a match.

There were no matches in the first few places I looked, but I did find an enormous amount of dust that needed to be wiped off of a dresser. Also, it was such a lovely day I opened up all of the windows. I found a box and checked inside for matches. No matches, but it did contain a beautiful crystal that used to hang on a window. It would be lovely if I needed something to focus on... you know... if I got distracted. It just needed a pretty ribbon to hang from. I rummaged through another drawer and found the perfect pearlescent blue ribbon, fed it through the loop of the crystal and tied it in a neat bow.

I went to the kitchen to look for matches, found some, and then remembered that I needed to feed the cat and give her some medicine.... which then reminded me that I needed to clean out her litter box. That reminded me that I needed to go to the bathroom myself. No point trying to meditate with a full bladder.

Relieved, candle lit, beautiful chirping bird sounds spilling in through the windows, I sat on the floor and closed my eyes. As my thoughts drifted to discomfort or my to-do list, trying to breathe "naturally", I returned to the mantra, "so hum" ("I am"). So hum... So hum... I am... I am... I am hungry, I thought, as my tummy rumbled. So hum... This isn't working. How can I quiet my mind when my stomach is talking to me? Just a quick bite to eat, that's all I needed. Back to the kitchen I went and poured myself a bowl of cereal. I figured I might as well just have breakfast and then return to meditating.

Now I was nourished and ready to clear my mind of debris. I sat again, legs crossed, palms open and closed my eyes. I was slouching. I'm not supposed to be slouching. I returned from the living room with a foam block, after carrying some dirty dishes to the kitchen, rinsing the cat's food bowl and having a glass of lemonade.

So hum... So hum... SAM! (my cat) Do NOT drag your tail through the flame! PLEASE! Be careful, Sammy. Exhale. So hum... So hum... So hum...

My cat has no trouble relaxing.

After a few deep, cleansing breaths I decided that it had been a good first effort and blew out the candle. As distracted as I had been, I gave myself credit for the effort. And I did feel more relaxed!

Now everything is set up for tomorrow, so there should be nothing to distract me.... Okay, there will still be plenty to distract me, but, with time and practice, I'm confident that this will get easier. I can already feel the benefits.

If you're feeling tense or under pressure, I highly recommend taking a few moments for yourself each morning before your day begins, meditating, doing yoga, writing in a journal or performing some other relaxing activity that is all about you!

Namaste.

If you like, you can try this meditation guided by Deepak Choprah.

If you are unable to view this video, you can link to it directly here: http://youtu.be/D56tUOdpgts