Cookie's Mom Proudly Presents: Seven Talented Guest Bloggers

http://uclaextensionmusic.wordpress.com/

Spring has sprung, the birds are singing, there are places to go and people to see. I'm taking a little spring vacation and a break from writing. I know, I know. I'll miss you too. But, don't despair! There's lots of fun happening over at Cookie's Book Club.



I'm handing the keys over to a gang of rebels otherwise known as authors. Visit Cookie's Book Club daily to hear what they have to say. While you're there, if you don't mind, have a look around the place for me and make sure they're all behaving themselves! Who knows what shenanigans this bunch will get up to in my absence! I'll see you back here in about a week.

Note added April 6, 2011: I would like to thank the authors who participated in this week's guest blog extravaganza! If you haven't had a chance to read their posts yet, do take a look. You're sure to be entertained and enlightened by what they have to say! I have added direct links to their individual posts below (just click on their names).

Christopher Bunn, author of The Hawk And His Boy and The Shadow at the Gate.

Karen Cantwell, author of Take the Monkeys and Run and The Chronicles of Marr-nia.

Gabriela Popa, author of Kafka's House and When The Moon Had Feet.

Andre Jute, author of The Larsson Scandal and Iiditarod.

Donna Fasano, author of The Merry-Go-Round and Taking Love in Stride.

Alexis Leno, author of Shifting Fate and Red Sand and Other Stories.

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NOTE added April 6, 2011: Noah K. Mullette-Gillman will not be appearing on Cookie's Book Club this week. He's hard at work on the sequel to Luminous and Ominous, and it's far too noisy over there to get any work done.

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Photo retrieved March 27, 2011 from http://jerriehurdnovels.wordpress.com/

Aw, c'mon guys! Somebody could at least take out the garbage.

Sigh... Writers!

Results of our March poll: Are parents more or less involved in their kids’ lives today? Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

The question posed this month is, Are parents more or less involved in their kids’ lives today, and is this a good thing or a bad thing? Here are the results of our March poll. Thanks to all who participated!

Legend:

A. Parents are not involved nearly enough in their kids’ lives these days (25%).
B. Parents are more involved in their kids’ lives these days, and that’s a good thing (33%).
C. Parents are much too involved in their kids’ lives these days (42%).

Two data points that received no votes, were removed from the results. The two options not selected were, Parents today are about as involved as they were when I was a kid, and Parents are less involved in their kids' lives these days, and that's a good thing. 

We have an interesting split in the poll results this month. About one quarter of you believe that parents are not involved enough in their kids’ lives. A third believe parents are more involved and that this is a positive thing. The rest of you believe that parents are much too involved and would agree with critics of so-called helicopter parents who say they are hyper-parenting their children. 

Retrieved March 30, 2011 from http://blogs.studentlife.utoronto.ca/intersections/2011/01/24/helicopter-parenting/

Helicopter parents are accused of hovering over their children attending to their every need and protecting them from potential dangers, both real and imagined. Want to know if you are a helicopter parent? Take this quiz. I got a score of 15:

11-19 Nice job! You’ve found a good balance between being too hands-off and too involved. Encourage your child to make some easy confidence-building decisions like choosing what to have for dinner, or where to go for a playdate. Giving her a bit of freedom will benefit you both.

Phew! Thanks to that highly scientific test I can finally relax about this issue. “I AM NOT A HELICOPTER PARENT! Woo-hoo!”

But maybe I shouldn't be trumpeting my horn so loudly. I've come a long way since the beginning of my motherhood career. Not hovering over our children isn't always easy. It's not surprising that parents sometimes don't know where to draw the line. We live in a dangerous world, if we believe what the news reports have been telling us for more than a decade. 

When Jack was born three and a half years ago I heard about recall after recall and hazard after hazard. Suddenly, motherhood got a whole lot more complicated. I had to check toys for LBP and bottles for BPA. I had to tie up cords and cover electrical outlets. And every time I went anywhere near a nurse with my baby, I was warned about SIDS. The fact that I did not become completely paranoid is something of a miracle. 

Retrieved on March 30, 2100 from http://www.babylifestyles.com/tag/plastic-baby-bottles/

In addition to the physical dangers we're cautioned about, we are bombarded with warnings that our children will not get into the best schools if we don't put them on waiting lists before they are even born. Kids are in preschool at the age of three so that they'll be prepared for real school when they get there two years later. The pressure to develop a well rounded child is intense, so we start them in swimming lessons, register them for sport leagues, teach them art and music and language skills as quickly as they can possibly begin to pick them up. Our kids need to have an edge if they are to succeed in this world. 

Maybe we should give helicopters parents a break! Adriana Barton writes that "hypervigilance is often a rational – if misguided – response to dramatic changes in major social institutions." That is, parents are naturally influenced by societal pressure to protect their kids from every potential harm. Some even believe that helicopter parents have got it right. Brian Joura says the helicopter parent understands that his role is to protect his children "24 hours a day, seven days a week when they first come into the world and then gradually ease off." He claims that "while kids fight for more freedom, it is ultimately up to the parent to decide what they are ready to handle on their own." I see his point, but I think that, by definition, helicopter parents have a hard time knowing when to let go. 

Retrieved March 30, 2011 from http://www.maritz.com/News-Events-and-Insights/Social-Community/Man-vs-Brand/Neuroscience/Generation-Abstraction.aspx

With all of the external pressure to raise our children the right way, how do we know if we are on the right track? How can we avoid overparenting our children? 

Nancy Gibbs writes of a counteractive movement sometimes referred to as slow-parenting or free-range parenting. According to Gibbs, "failure is fruitful. You really want your children to succeed? Learn when to leave them alone. When you lighten up, they'll fly higher. We're often the ones who hold them down." Lenore Skenazy of Free-Range Kids asks, "Do you ever... let your kid ride a bike to the library? Walk to school? Make dinner? Or are you thinking about it? If so, you are raising a Free-Range Kid." You might remember the name Lenore Skenazy. She's the mom that let her son ride the subway by himself at the age of nine. I remember how horrified some people were that she would put her son in danger, however remote that danger might have been, and I also remember the overwhelming support she received for standing up to the paranoia.

Free-range parenting sounds reasonable. If we're not careful though, we run the risk of being accused of raising latch-key kids. A quarter of respondents in this month's poll think parents are not involved nearly enough in their kids' lives. Obviously we need to achieve some sense of balance here between hyper-parenting and uninvolved-parenting.

So what's wrong with being involved in our kids' lives? According to at least a third of this month's respondents, nothing! Kathy Seal agrees. She writes that "...much hinges on your definition of 'involvement.' Does it mean going to parent-teacher conferences? Watching kids play soccer? Checking their homework? Helping with school fundraising? There are infinite ways to take part in a child’s life." None of these types of involvement cross the line into overparenting. Seal advises that "more subtle forms of involvement, including the encouragement of autonomy, produce superior achievement [and] may help parents resist [the] pressure to push and control their children."

The reality is that pressures and conditions exist to produce hyper-parenting, and there is a risk of falling back to the equally undesirable rebound condition of uninvolved-parenting. It seems the goal should be to achieve a balanced position of involvement in our children's lives. Kelly Herdrich puts it nicely: "Just be sure to watch from the passenger seat--don't offer to drive." This statement accurately reflects my own view of parenting. Some of you have heard me call myself Jack's tour guide. The way I see it, my job is to point out the bathrooms and emergency exits, and to help him find his way in the world.

Retrieved March 30, 2011 from http://www.myspace.com/silverbirch1959

I'm twitterpated!

It's springtime! A time of year when all of the world's creatures become twitterpated.

Term:	twitterpated
Part of Speech:	adj
Definition:	confused by affection or infatuation
Etymology:	twitter + -pated 'pertaining to the head'

                                              Source: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/twitterpated

If you've ever watched Bambi (it's ok, you can tell me), you're familiar with the term. If you haven't, here's a snippet:




I was lying in bed this morning, not sleeping (Jack woke me up to get him a blanket in the middle of the night), and thinking about the previous day. Yesterday I created a Twitter account. I kid you not. You can now follow me on Twitter - just click on the bright blue button somewhere over there------>.

Since it's inception, I've been talking about how ridiculous the concept of tweeting is. Why do I need to know what Amy is doing every minute of the day. Amy is waiting in line for coffee to go. Amy just found a quarter on the Subway! Amy is bored. Bored. Bored. Bored.

Well, I see now that it can actually be a useful tool, particularly if you're a blogger. There are a few interesting people and companies that I can follow on Twitter, and then decide if I want to visit their web page to learn more. It saves me time. I get many quick bits of info without having to visit many different sites. I can also tweet about my own blog entries, keep my viewers informed and save them some time too.

Still I was laying there this morning thinking to myself that I'd sold out. How could I have changed my tune seemingly overnight? And then it hit me. It's spring. And I am twitterpated! In that state a person will do all sorts of crazy things, like becoming attracted to something she once had no interest in.

Spring is in the air people. Watch your step!

Children's Storytelling - Pregnant Pauses and Creative Substitutions

Last night Jack, his dad and I were having dinner. Dinner is a time for each of us to talk about the day. "How was your day today, daddy?" "What did you do today, Jack?" We're working with Jack on taking turns, since he has a habit of interrupting us when we talk. Maybe it's because he's an only child, but he likes attention and usually gets it, and he doesn't enjoy when someone else is in the spotlight. He is learning. Tonight he did a pretty decent job of waiting his turn.

When it was his turn to talk, Jack started to tell a story about the morning's events. "Well, we just watched a show, aaaaaaand then we went to visit our friends, aaaaaaand... (pause) ...we had some lunch... (pause) ...crocodiles can't clean their own teeth, did you know that?" There was another pause, a very long pause. Jack looked up and away as if trying to recall something. By now I was laughing uncontrollably. Jack and my husband just stared at me like I'd gone mad.

Retrieved March 28, 2011 from http://www.momaroo.com/709200435/kids-talkin-funny-as-hell/

Jack talks this way all the time - you may remember the "You're not a duck!" conversation - but yesterday Jack's pregnant pauses reminded me of a video I had watched recently that made me laugh so hard I cried. (Shout out to judester for sharing this video with me!) Maybe it's because of my station as a parent or maybe it was the sleep-deprivation taking over. Maybe this video isn't as funny as I think it is - I'll let you be the judge - but there's no greater nourishment than laughter, so I just had to share it with you.

Right! Here is the video. Make sure you have about 6 minutes to spare (plus the additional 30 or so you'll need to watch the other four once addicted), Kleenex (for the crying), and privacy - that is, if you don't want people to see you literally ROFL. And now, I present to you, Kid History: Episode 4.



Here is my second favourite of the Kid History Episodes, Episode 2.



And if you still want more, check out:
Kid History: Episode 1
Kid History: Episode 3
July 9, 2011 - Edited to add Kid History: Episode 5
November 12, 2011 - Edited to add Kid History; Episode 6 - this one is right up there with 2 and 4.

I found these videos so hysterically funny, because they demonstrate how differently kids think than we adults do. The things that they remember from the stories they are told, and the things that they make up to fill in the gaps, result in some very funny narratives. Seeing grown men act out the kids' scripts in these videos, and the way that these 'actors' interpreted their stories, sent me into fits of laughter.

How do you capture these moments with your kids? Last night at the dinner table I wrote notes on a napkin, so that I wouldn't forget the hilarity of the moment which again elicited strange looks from Jack and his dad. I really need to start carrying a tape recorder around with me!

Sleep Solutions: Getting up too early

I've had a few requests to post about the issue of sleep, or the lack thereof. Arguably the biggest problem that parents of babies and young children face is how to get their kids enough sleep, and how to get enough sleep themselves. If the kids aren't sleeping, the parents aren't either.

Retrieved March 27, 2011 from http://hilltownfamilies.wordpress.com/2011/03/07/bobnar-19/

Just look at this peaceful face: it's every parent's dream! There are a multitude of ways that our families can be robbed of sleep. Today I'm going to talk about the problem of waking too early.

One thing that we have struggled with is helping Jack to stay in his room until 7:00 am. The light outside changes week after week and it's hard for little kids to know when it's time to get up. Particularly if they are using the bathroom now, their bodies often wake them up early. They'll get up and go to the bathroom - this is a good thing! - but then have trouble getting themselves settled again.

The only way that I can think of to help Jack settle back to sleep is to remind him that even though his body wakes him up in the middle of the night, he can still go back to bed and get some more sleep. He doesn't have to stay up once he gets up. Ultimately though, I have no control over whether he goes back to sleep or not. That's his choice.

What I can do is help him to know when he can come out of his room and start his day with me. Around here that happens at 7:00, so all I have to do is help him to know when that is. He has a clock on the wall in his room and he's learning how to use it. It's typically dark in his room though, so he can't easily read his analog clock in the early hours of the morning.

One idea is to give your child a digital alarm clock. If you decide to go this route, the experts at Parenting Power suggest you cover up the extra two digits. That way your child will see only the change that you want them to see, for example from 6 am to 7 am, and not be distracted by the other numbers that don't mean much to them right now. We've decided against the digital alarm clock because we don't want to bombard our son with neon light throughout his sleep, and because frankly I find most alarm clocks to be offensive. I hate being woken up by some beep, clang or other annoying sound. I do have an alarm clock, but it's one of those lovely ones that wakes you up slowly with light.

But back to Jack. What we DID do that has worked like a charm, is to buy him this product: Good Nite Lite. This handy little nightlight has a moon setting for nighttime and a sun setting for the morning. You can, if you wish, leave the moon on all night. I find it to be too bright, even at its dimmed setting. We set the PM time for the moon light to one minute before the AM time for the sun light. The moon lights up at 6:59, and the Sun lights up at 7:00.

This product is not perfect. I'd rather it had the option for the moon to not come on at all, or to have it stay on at a much lower light level. Even dimmed it is brighter than most night lights. I'd also rather the sun didn't stay on as long as it does - I think it stays lit up for two hours which seems unnecessary to me as light from the window has spilled into the room long before then. I've mentioned these things to the owner of the company. Perhaps a future version will be more customizable.

Despite these minor annoyances, we have found it to work consistently well. We have told Jack, and he now knows, that he is to stay in his room until the sun comes on. Once the sun lights up, he can come out of his room (he can also leave to go to the bathroom at any time but knows to go right back to his room when he is done). Every day - for something like a year now - he has come out of his room in the morning saying cheerfully, "The sun is out! It's time to get up!" I don't even need an alarm anymore, unless I want to get anything done in which case I need to get up an hour earlier than Jack.... but that's another post.

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Please note that my ramblings should not be substituted for the advice of a professional - I am only qualified to speak about my experiences with my son - however, I do hope that reading about what we have done is of some help to you. Sleep well!

How do you find time for this?

Retrieved March 26, 2011 from http://www.thecreativepenn.com/2009/01/09/time-to-write/

A question I get asked a lot is, "How do you find the time?", usually in reference to this daily blog. Well, the answer is, I don't. I wish I could, but still haven't figured out where or how to find more time. Besides, if someone gave me an extra few hours a day, eventually I would just fill them up and want more. My oft used purse analogy works well here - ladies, you get this - the bigger your purse, the more crap you put in it.

My husband laughs at me when I say, "I don't have anything written for tomorrow's blog post." He laughs at me because he hears me say this at least four times a week, and so far I have not gone a day without posting. He laughs at the mild and unnecessary panic in my voice. Somehow something always occurs to me and away my fingers fly.

We all do things that we don't have time for, else how would we ever do anything that we want to do? There are so many have to dos in life, especially if you're a parent. Sometimes the only way to find time for the want-to-dos is to steal it from somewhere else. In my case, laundry and other household chores get less attention. Gee, what a sacrifice. I'm pretty sure that my last words are not going to be, "If only I'd spent more time with the vacuum!"

Retrieved March 26 from http://health.howstuffworks.com/diseases-conditions/allergies/what-is-an-aafa-certified-appliance.htm

Multi-tasking helps. I'm currently writing this post, while chatting with a friend on Facebook, participating in an online forum and having a conversation (in person, if you can imagine) with my husband. Sleep sometimes get robbed too, but I figure there'll be plenty of time for that in the afterlife.

I love to write. I used to write every day before I decided that there were more important things to do. Well, I am stealing that time back!

What would you do with an extra few hours a day? No one is going to give it to you, so I say, Take it! You're worth it!

Retrieved March 26, 2011 from http://www.watchmojo.com/tv/Grab/Howcast/3972669/