Welcome! I'm Cookie's Mom. You can learn all about Cookie and why I blog here: About Cookie's Chronicles. If you're new here, you may want to SUBSCRIBE TO MY RSS FEED. Thanks for stopping by! Pull up a beach chair and be my guest, won't you?

Monday, September 12, 2011

The Inevitability of Change and the Futility of Resistance

I'm linking up again with Stasha of NorthWest Mommy for Monday Listicles. This week's topic was selected by MaNNaHaTTaMaMMa who harnessed her inner David Bowie and asks us to write about Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes.

Change is the only constant, so there's no shortage of material for this week's Monday Listicles list.

Being a mom opened my eyes to just how much things change. Life as an adult pre-kids meant that I could set my life up a particular way and settle into my new routine for pretty much as long as I liked. Ba-bye said life. Hello chaos! Just when we moms think we have something figured out, just when the skies start to look friendly, sha-blam. Trouble brews and we're reaching for our SuperMom capes once again.


Here is my list of just ten of the things I have tried desperately to control since becoming a mom... to no avail.

1. Sleep. Every time I write this word down I just want to laugh. The laughter is probably a survival mechanism that keeps me from crying uncontrollably. Of all the things I miss since motherhood, sleep tops the list. When we become mothers we give up consecutive hours of sleep - our children wake us at all hours with runny noses, needing assistance in the bathroom, and because Teddy is afraid of thunder. We also give up sleeping in. Some women crave chocolate. I crave sleeping until 9:00 - heck, I'd settle for 8:00!

2. My diet. Trying to maintain any kind of consistency when it comes to diet is like asking a three-year-old if he can hold it until you get home. Futile. Breakfast is usually pretty straightforward, mostly because we do pretty much the same thing every day: cereal, milk, fruit - done! Lunches, however are the bane of my existence. If we're lucky we hit two of the four food groups, and if we're really, really lucky they're a different two than what we ate the previous six lunches. Dinners... Oh, just don't even get me started on dinners. They happen. People are fed. Sometimes it's seriously delicious. Often, it's barely nutritious. I consider it a good day if nobody's starving. Mission accomplished!

3. My exercise routine. Any kind of routine really is impossible to maintain anymore. I think to myself, Okay I have Jack registered in preschool, some sport ball thingy, music and swimming. Excellent. Buns of steel, here I come! But then I realize as I fill the calendar with holidays, Jack's VIP days for which my presence and my baking skills are called upon, professional development days, volunteer days, doctors' appointments, dental appointments, and birthday parties... phew! I'll be lucky to get to the gym at all, never mind on a regular basis. Buns of some kind of soft wood - Buns of Pine? Perhaps I'll settle for that.

4. My social life. What social life, you say? It's not what it used to be, true. Lately, I am expanding my definition of the term just so that I can pretend to have one. Anything that requires I change out of my sweats and comb my hair before leaving the house now qualifies as a social engagement. The poor innocents at the library, grocery store and mailbox often have no idea what hit them. No, I don't have anything better to do than talk to you, dear, sweet librarian. Well... I do. There's always housework... but I just can't go back there. Please, don't make me go back there!

5. My personal appearance. If ever I do have occasion to wear something nice, I find myself struggling to put a coherent ensemble together. First of all, I have to locate something clean. My son's laundry is always done, but mine seems to gather in taller and taller towers of filth until the day I finally admit that I have absolutely nothing to wear. Unfortunately, this tends to happen about 5 minutes before I'm supposed to be dressed and ready for a night out with the hubster. Oops. Management has failed to keep up with demand once again.

6. The number of things I will do at one time. Do you remember how it used to be, when multitasking meant simply driving and remembering where you were going at the same time? As women, we are built to multitask, but when we become moms multitasking becomes something... other-worldly. Now we are driving and remembering the five different places we need to go in the next half hour as well as the seventeen things we need to pick up at each stop while also singing along with Raffi, answering a three-year-olds incessant 'why' questions, pulling the plastic of a tetra-pack straw and ripping open packages of gummies/crackers/raisins/cheese to toss into the back seat. It's a wonder the lot of us aren't stammering, twitching piles of goo at the end of any given day.

7. The TV remote. I can't remember the last time I watched an adult show between the hours of 7am and 7pm. And by the time 7pm rolls around, I'm too tired to watch anything remotely intellectually engaging. At best I am able to negotiate TV time with my child. That is, once he has watched one of his shows, I may be granted the priviledge of watching 5 minutes of one of mine. It's hardly worth it. Thus... while Dora/Diego sings a happy refrain, I blog.

8. The stuff that comes out of my mouth. "Jack, that's very inappropriate. I know I did, but that was wrong of me. Well... just don't say it as school." "If you keep that up, your face will freeze that way!" "Go ask your dad." "Because I said so!" I try. I really do, but sometimes in the heat of the moment or in the blurry fog created by trying to answer too many 'why' questions in rapid succession, the most ridiculous of things comes out. I have resigned myself to the fact that my son will look back on some of these things and laugh, promising to himself never to repeat them to his kids (pshaw - good luck, buddy). And if I'm wrong and instead of looking back with amusement he ends up tormented, well, there's always therapy.

9. The state of my house. Well, can you blame me? I have so little control over my life that when I do have a moment of 'me' time, the last thing I want to do is clean. Besides, it just gets dirty again. Immediately! Anyway, the only people that come over any more are other moms, and they totally get it. In fact, they probably appreciate that I didn't go to too much trouble. It makes them feel better about the state of their own homes. You're welcome ladies. Anything to help.

10. My child. Yes, it's true, I thought I'd have more control over my child. For example, I honestly believed, for four years now and I'm not sure I've given up hope yet, that I might be able to control my child's sleep patterns. Nyet! I also sometimes dream that he will listen to what I say the first time I say it AND actually do what it is that I've asked him to do. It's a beautiful dream.

Well, no matter. Change is inevitable and resisting it is futile, but there are some things I can control. I can laugh instead of crying, for example when I return from a relaxing massage to find that my son has written all over my favourite blouse with permanent marker or when my son's preschool teacher calls me to tell me that he just called Billy a "$&%#-head". And I can remember to be grateful for the good times. There's a lot to be grateful for.

40 comments:

  1. Fantastic list! With three boys in my house I can relate to each and every one of these. Sleep no longer exists. A workout routine before kids used to mean that I would actually go to the gym and exercise. Now it means chasing the kids around the house.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You're right...laughing instead of crying and focusing on the good times are both within our control (and are actually more effective too).

    I'm sorry to hear about your favorite blouse. Could he possibly continue with the marker all over it...so that it looks like it's supposed to be like that?

    ReplyDelete
  3. @Hope, three boys?! What fun (and chaos). No doubt you can relate. When you put it that way, I imagine I get *more* exercise these days constantly chasing my little ball of fire!

    @Jacqui, that's not a bad idea. I should just let him finish. Perhaps a work of art was in the making!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Exchange your Jack for my two kiddos, and I feel like your life is mine! Sleep, wardrobe & exercise...someday they'll be grown up, and from what I hear, we'll look back longingly on these things.

    ReplyDelete
  5. #10 spoke to me loud and clear as I am at this very moment at my wits end with my two year who is refusing to take a nap. I seriously don't know what to do with him and he reminds me all the time of what little control I have.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I can relate to all ten, ten times over. Without a sense of humor even therapy could not help us ;)
    I like how you approach house cleaning. You truly are a selfless woman. I never knew I was so good to my neighbours either. NICE!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Buns of Pine...hahahahahahahahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Haha! My life has changed the same way since the kids came too. And sleep would top my list as well!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Jackie, I really will miss these days. The sacrifices are well worth it!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Tonya, I hear you. Mine is no longer napping as a rule, but on the days when he occasionally does decide he needs a rest, it's a little slice of heaven for me.

    ReplyDelete
  11. LOL-Stasha. Yes, entirely selfless. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Christine - :p
    I like to be realistic wrt my workout goals.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I laughed at the end when you wrote what your son called some kid at preschool. I know it's not funny but it is. Oh and the wrecked favourite blouse you found covered in permanent marker = priceless. Those are the moments that will never leave your memory. Cherish!

    ReplyDelete
  14. How about dim sum buns? That's what I'm aiming for. I tell folks I'm still working on that post-partum tummy, which works until someone points out that my youngest child just turned...seven. Hmm. Need a new excuse. I figure all this lack of control is sort of like AA or something: we're just giving over to a higher power (even if that higher power is only knee-high at the moment).

    ReplyDelete
  15. I have long given up on #9, even before kids. Is that bad?

    ReplyDelete
  16. i had to chuckle...finding something "coherant to wear"...so true.
    My kid can rock any outfit, while I on the other hand rock jogging pants. Sigh

    ReplyDelete
  17. This cracked me up. I relate to all of the above, especially your diet. Dinner is so overrated ;)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Love this post! I definitely relate to the lack of sleep! 3 kids in 5 years have destroyed any hope I have of ever sleeping! I'm your newest follower from Bloggy Moms and looking forward to reading much more!

    ReplyDelete
  19. You are so right...
    Change is inevitable and as mothers we make a lot of changes, almost daily.
    I too miss sleep!!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Bruna, it hasn't happened just yet, but I'm bracing myself for it! And ah, yes, the memories are priceless! :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Deborah, dim sum buns has a nice ring to it - far more accurate too. I know what you mean about the post partum donut. Still trying to work mine off and my guy is approaching four. May be time to let that excuse go and just embrace the new more rotund me. :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Barbara, here is the way I look at it. It's the perfect 'death bed' question. When I am ready to breathe my last breaths, what will my regrets be? Not having cleaned my house more often or more thoroughly? Ah... no.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Kimberly, I hear you. I look in my closet and see t-shirt after t-shirt, sweatpants and jeans. It's the typical mommy gear.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Jenny, you're right. Dinner is overrated... unless prepared by someone else... who also cleans up the mess afterwards... and then stocks my freezer with the leftovers. Now, that's a nice dream!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Oh, Tina! You ARE Supermom. Three kids in five years! Wow. Thanks for following - I'll check out your blog soon!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Leighann, that may be the most challenging thing about motherhood. We can't settle into anything - always need to be ready with a new solution the minute a new problem arises. Quick on our feet, we moms are!

    ReplyDelete
  27. You're so right - change is inevitable! #10 hit home with me as I have a defiant little 2 year old on my hands now!

    ReplyDelete
  28. I'm behind on my blog reading, so I'm a little late to the party, but I just wanted to say that I completely agree with every single thing on this list and couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks for making my Wednesday!

    ReplyDelete
  29. I especially like the end. I truly believed I would have more control over them. That they would actually listen to me and do what I say. I envisioned my little girls' hair would be done each day. I feel lucky if it gets combed. My son has many stylish clothes, but prefers to wear pajamas
    Great post.

    ReplyDelete
  30. We share a lot on this list! The thing that troubles me most is my exercise routine. Love your gratitude and happy heart!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Oh dinner totally stresses me out all the time. I'm trying so hard to be healthy and nutritious. I'm so careful about what I feed Donut and then I put junk in my body. I can barely get a chance to eat let alone cook.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Oh, Kim. The defiant toddler stage is rough. I feel your pain. BTW, no one tells you about the defiant preschooler stage! Be afraid! Be very afraid.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Thanks Amanda! :) I am always late for the party. We are fashionably late, yes?

    ReplyDelete
  34. Lisa - so true! I need to get or make a button for my son that says "I dressed myself today!" just so that people stop looking at me like I dress him in the dark.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Thanks Mama J. :) My heart is happy, despite the fact that it beats a little too fast if I have to climb too many sets of stairs. Cough.

    ReplyDelete
  36. It does get a little easier as they get older, Rach. Mostly because I can no longer sneak the last muffin with them noticing, I now make a meal for everyone and we all eat together. Meal planning helps... when I get around to it!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Last weekend, I tried commenting on a couple of posts to no avail! It looks like it's going to work this time; though I can't actually see your post, I already read it.

    Take THAT, computer!

    Oh, wait . . . I might just steal your list and add "my computer" as a #11 thing-I-can't-control, whether or not it's during Li'l D's waking hours ("Fiper fox, mama!") or after ("#$@#%!#% internet, how are you failing again?!").

    I love every little bit of this post.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Every one of these is so true that I don't even know where to begin agreeing with you! I guess with sleep because I want it so desperately. Perfect post.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Deb, the reason that this is so hysterically funny (in that same, 'I want to throw my @)&%#(%^Q#$ computer out the window' way you noted), is that I created this post once, it completely disappeared, and I had to recreate it from scratch. I was very tempted to add #11 to my list, but at the time was too frustrated to laugh about it. Sigh. 'Puters.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Jessica, if I was ever in some kind of pageant (okay... friends... you can all stop laughing now), and was asked what I want most for the world, my answer would be SLEEP.

    ReplyDelete