In our house dad works while mom stays at home with the boy.
Dad goes to the gym on his way home from work, thus extending his not-at-home day. Mom works out in the morning, while the boy is occupied by his own gym class, assuming the boy is not sick or otherwise uncooperative when it is time to go. And assuming it is not a holiday and that mom does not have some urgent errand to run that can't be done with a four-year-old in tow.
Dad eats warm lunches with friends from work whenever he likes. Mom is lucky to remember to feed herself some celery glazed with peanut butter. Mom always has the same company for lunch. Mom loves said company, but, honestly.
Dad sits in his car in the garage listening to the rest of a CBC broadcast he has been enjoying on the drive home from work - that place where he not only earns a livelihood but also the respect of the human race for his contributions to society - while mom prays for someone to entertain the boy for three minutes so she can go to the bathroom alone.
Dad enjoys much alone time in the car. Mom tries not to run into other people while processing continuous back seat questions about the things seen outside the car and other assorted urgent questions, like this one: "Mom, why are you driving so fast?"
Of course, we have a lot in common too, right? We both love the same little boy. We both, at least in the evenings and on weekends, enjoy spending time with him and sharing the responsibility for his care.
But, while I have accepted the aforementioned differences as facts (and by having accepted them, I mean to say that I only occasionally - like, once a day - make my husband feel guilty for his good fortune), I have not really understood just how different our lives are until I recently borrowed my husband's car.
The evidence:
This is the back of my car... on a GOOD day!
And this is the back of husband's car. ALWAYS!
These images represent a deeper difference between our lives: In one we see evidence of a mostly calm serene existence. In the other, my ridiculously harried life. Riding in husband's car is like visiting a spa.
I'm not sure he would see it this way, but... this isn't his blog.
Love you, hon! :) Can you pick up some milk on the way home? I would have done it myself, but a certain other member of the household decided to throw a temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery store and we had to leave. I'll bet your boss never does that!
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My husband travels for work. By this, I mean he drives about 3 hours from home and checks into a hotel. He works 4 ten hour shifts, always returning to the hotel - where his bed has been made and it is clean and quiet. He gets his meals from the restaurant, leaving the mess for someone else. He sleeps, uninterrupted, until it is time to go to work again.
ReplyDeleteI, on the other hand, take care of 6 kids by myself while he works. Can you imagine what my days are like? LOL!
Long story short - I hear you girl!
Once I saw your picture of your car, I immediately thought 'Oh no my car's being stolen!?!' because it looks just like my car. My little 16 year old car has hauled everything from strollers to bikes to anything in between. My and your car deserve a makeover :)
ReplyDeleteSuch a cute post! Our cars are the opposite though, it's the hubs that takes our son to and from daycare and his car is a disaster! He hates it and i always have to giggle.
ReplyDeleteSo what you're also saying, Christina, is that I should stop my whining! lol - Six kids!! I'm not worthy!
ReplyDeleteHa ha, Spanish Barbara (there are two of you - have to differentiate somehow). Yes! Our cars need a makeover!!
French Barbara (see above), my husband doesn't giggle about it, but I think that's just because I am a master of making him feel guilty instead. : >
I love this post! I can totally relate. My husband is always complaining that my car is messy. He wants to know why I haven't unloaded all the items. I always want to laugh because he doesn't seem to understand that I always have 4 kids with me. Sometimes he will take 1 or 2 of the older boys with him to run an errand. But he never takes all 4 kids at the same time.
ReplyDeleteMarisa, it's true. It's just a different experience isn't it? My husband has come a long way though from the early days when he referred to looking after Jack as 'babysitting'! :)
ReplyDeleteVery incredibly cute (and 100% true) post. My kids are teenagers now, but it's the same principle. He goes to work, fancy lunches, and business trips. I work from home, eat left overs and the farthest from home I go is wherever the carpool needs me that day. Yet I wouldn't change it for anything.
ReplyDeleteI so relate to this. How about he can shower anytime he feels like it while I have to wait for naptime or bedtime??
ReplyDeleteThis post was wonderful. That photo of your car vs. his car - well, a picture's worth 1000 words, huh?
ReplyDeleteYou put into words what I feel so much every day - and you said it very simply and without any real rancor.
I've been in the workplace, pre-kids, alongside my husband. I know what it's like - how stressful it can be at it's worst. And frankly, because it's full of intellectual stimulation, adult conversation, and alone time or trips to Starbucks to read the paper for a break (solo) - it just does not compare to the mentally/emotionally/physically wrenching workload of stay at home parenting. I'm not complaining - but i totally get your post.
Brandy, don't you just love when they come home and tell you all about their fabulous lunch, or the fabulous baked goods that so-and-so brought in that day? lol I'm with you though - best job ever being home with my kid!
ReplyDeleteRach, the shower thing - Oy! Once naptime is less reliable it gets even trickier... but sometimes, the TV is your friend there!
Ado, I've had some very stressful jobs myself, but I agree with you - none so stressful as this one. It's also the most rewarding... but a girl's gotta vent every now and then! Thanks for understanding that I'm just poking fun.
At least ya'll can go out into the adult world and speak to other adults and possibly have the chance for someone else to entertain your child...I don't have a car and probably won't for a long while! I'm stuck at home with a 2 year old 24/7 except for the one day hubby has off work and even that was recently taken away from him. So there! Nya nya nya! What do I win, Sue??? ;)
ReplyDeleteBeth, that's rough. I often am stuck in the house - lots of colds around here - and then there are the icy roads - last week I really didn't leave the house at all for five or six days! But you win a extra-large tub of ice cream and the sappy chick flick of your choice, which, I realize, you will only be able to watch after the little darling is in bed. Nevertheless... enjoy your prize! :)
ReplyDeleteSo funny!
ReplyDeleteAs a clean freak that I am, it would have totally stressed me out driving with the kiddo's mess. I guess I know what is coming my way in a couple of years, huh?
So far I am happy being all messy because I get to enjoy my babies changes and see her last when she goes to sleep. Husband is missing all the goods, they will be in MY memory forever. I'm happy.
www.mamaandthecity.com
Those pictures and this post could have come straight out of our home. It can be hard not to be bitter...except for days like today when I was at the park enjoying the sunshine while he was stuck in an office. Take that hubby! ; )
ReplyDeleteAfrodita, being a stay-at-home mom really is the BEST job. While everything in this post is true, I may have left out all of the details of how great my day is for other reasons. And my husband truly rocks, so I'm just poking fun.
ReplyDeleteMinivan Mama, that IS a good day. We make some big sacrifices, but the rewards are great!
I feel like someone needs to mail him a copy of this, along with a suggestion to buy you a day at the spa. Kid free. I can tell you love your kiddo(s), but everyone needs a little break now and then!!
ReplyDeleteWell, that's a great idea, and, as it happens, someone (ME) did send him a copy of this and, as it happens, I AM going to the spa... on Thursday (he has the day off)! Wheeeee! :)
ReplyDeleteI am with you on every single letter in every word of this... EXCEPT the husbands clean car. My husbands car is ALL CAPS GROSS. He's in it a lot so that's his excuse.
ReplyDeleteBUT if it's driving me to the spa I don't really care what shape it's in!
Jamie, I guess any car that you can listen to your own music in and hear yourself think in is like taking a trip to the spa! :)
ReplyDeleteMy husband also goes to the gym on his way home from work, three days a week. So his workout is scheduled right into his day. I work hard to slot in a time to workout. I am jealous of how seamless his workout it. I will admit it.
ReplyDeleteIsn't being a SAHM mom just the best? I am blessed enough to have my hubby work from home most days and have a flexible working schedule. We do share a lot of the parenting chores. I can imagine myself having a car like that and his like a spa if he did a 9-5 job. Great post Sue! :)
ReplyDeleteYes! This is what I'm saying, Lisa. It's smart and responsible for him to go to the gym on the way home - it takes less time than having to go back out again at some point - but, like you, I'm a little jealous of how easily that works for him. His workout routine is WAY more consistent and reliable than mine.
ReplyDeleteG, that's a great arrangement you have there! I'm very fortunate too - I'm teasing a little. My hubby is extremely responsible and helpful, so I probably shouldn't complain.... but it helps to vent! :)
I love this post. The pics made it 1000 times better! I adore my children but what I would give for just one day to not have to worry about laundry, chores, dinner, and running all the errands in the 1 1/2 I have between naps. Oh and to have grown ups to converse with, that would be pure pleasure! I give my husband a hard time about all I do and he said to me, "But you have fun doing your job right?" And he is right, for the most part I do. I play with the baby all day long, make her smile, laugh, read with her, watch her do new things and because of that she loves me more than anything. He only gets limited amounts of her smiles and her snuggles (sometimes she is stingy with them). So really I think I may be the luckier of the two of us! Great post thank you!
ReplyDeleteCity B, it's so true. We need to vent - this job is ultra hard and full of sacrifices - but the rewards ARE great!
ReplyDeleteWhat would it be like to take a crap without someone pounding on the door, screaming at you? It might actually happen, right? To drive in a clean car... listening to something other than Woody's Roundup or Dora's soundtrack or the Best of the Backyardigans... heaven here on earth. And you hit that lunch thing right on the money. But I love my SAHM life :) and I'll bet you do too!
ReplyDeleteHa! This is awesome! You deserve a day off!
ReplyDeleteXL, I very much do love my SAHM life. But every now and then... you just gotta vent, am I right?
ReplyDeleteJen, thanks! Tomorrow I get to go to the spa for a couple of hours (assuming my now sick with the measles boy improves by then)!
Great comparison, Sue! Just simple and true. No bashing of anyone...it is what is.
ReplyDeleteOh, yes, I remember this from summers off and maternity leave. Guilt giving is a right of mommies who stay home. It's certainly trying, and what you wouldn't give for a millisecond of adult time.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jen! Definitely was not trying to bash anyone. And you're right, it is what it is. :)
ReplyDeleteLaura, I joke a little - I really try not to make my husband feel too guilty - after all, he does a lot that's really helpful to give me breaks, and also the perks of my job are pretty darned spectacular!
Well, I for one, never had a car that that pristine, even before I had a child! :)
ReplyDeleteI could have written that, to the T. Great post my friend!
ReplyDeleteOur cars looks just like yours. I so need to clean mine out.
ReplyDeleteOh man if this isn't true! My hubs has a hard time seeing it that way too. He thinks all I do is lay around and play games all day. I'm actually going to make him read this!
ReplyDeleteI love this: "These images represent a deeper difference between our lives: In one we see evidence of a mostly calm serene existence. In the other, my ridiculously harried life. Riding in husband's car is like visiting a spa."
Amanda, truthfully I don't think my car has ever been that pristine either. It probably speaks more to our characters than our lifestyles, if I am being honest. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Stasha! :) Yet another way we are sympatico.
JDaniel4's Mom, I keep saying I need to clean it out, but then... life happens.
Mommy2¢, let me know what hubs has to say after he reads it! Mine said, "As if I don't already feel guilty enough!" - He was kidding... mostly. :)
Yes yes yes to everything you said and said so well. When my husband went back to work I was so jealous. Of what? His subway ride. He doesn't even get to be alone...and doesn't always get a seat...but it still seemed like freedom to me. But now, both kids are in school, and I get to blog and go for a run...and hang out with them when they get home. I had to be patient but I got here. Also, it won't last forever. But it's pretty great for right now.
ReplyDeleteThanks Christine! It's so good to hear that this is temporary!! :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post!!!
ReplyDeleteI have a mixture of your experience. I freelance from home but my kids are in preschool/kindergarten. I have the preschooler home with me on Friday's so I do the SAHM thing one day a week and at the end of the day I'm exhausted and sometimes a little grouchy. WHEW!!!
Hubby also works from home but it's me that handles most of the kid stuff - drop off, pick up, sick kids, doctor appointments, meals, baths, etc. With that said - he is super helpful with the kids, a great dad and brings home the bacon. Tradeoffs, I guess.
LOVED your perspective and the humor of it. The pictures were priceless!
Oh, and happy spa day today! Did you get to go? How's little man?
ReplyDeleteThis (sorry) is one of the things I like about being a working mom with a SAHD. We don't even have a carseat in my car right now, though we will again after we move.
ReplyDeleteBut yes, all those things are night and I do appreciate them.
Yes, I did go to the spa today and it was fabulous! I was completely exhausted from being up through the night with Jack and running around all day, but still... fabulous! The little man is better. One last dose of Benedryl tonight and he should be good to go! Thanks for asking, Mandi.
ReplyDeleteHa! Robin, you don't need to apologize or feel any guilt. There's no real resentment here. I'm teasing my husband a bit. He's pretty fabulous in so many other ways. As are you!
The CBC comment really resonated with me and my life. It pains me to watch him sit there so I have on occassion sent the kids to go play in his fancy truck and "listen" to the radio while I make supper.
ReplyDeleteKaren, that's brilliant!
ReplyDelete